Going Cookoo!

What is the main cause of stress and insanity for me?
Anticipation...

Anticipation is the worst cause for the onset of insanity. The impatience alone drives me mad and it is always the cause for the start of a depressive cycle. The funny thing is that what I’m anticipating for is something good, but I can’t seem to see the end result, instead I focus on the present and time seems to take so long. A week ago I received an email that my chances of going to New York and studying have increased, I had made the final stages and that they were determining whether or not I would be going in 2008 or 2009. See, so I know I’ve made it – it’s just a matter of going this year or next year. Yet I can’t seem to see the whole bright side of this, instead I’m driving myself crazy over the fact that I have to wait a week (actually it’s been 10 days now).
Anticipation, fear, or unpredictability are said to be human stressors. A lot of people develop an "I don't give a f**&" attitude to get by this. I've tried it before but instead I end up becoming manic and make regretful decisions.

I’ve realized what drives me crazy the most, its not anticipation by itself. The mother of an anxiety onset is irritation of not knowing. Let’s not confuse that with the ‘unknown’ – I'm referring to NOT KNOWING. There’s a difference. The unknown, to me, refers to something I have no clue about, something absolutely uncertain like being trapped in a dark forest in foreign territory. The Not Knowing I’m referring to is more like being told you’re in a dark forest, told that you will eventually make it out but that’s all. The rest is left up to you to wait and see. So what do you do in the mean time? Do you wait for help or do you find your own way out? Would finding your own way out jeopardize the search party’s efforts of finding you?

Don’t get me wrong I’m excited about this news of finally going to the Big Apple – its part of my dream. I know deep inside I’m making the right moves and that my destiny will be fulfilled but why does it always feel like reassertions don’t help. Instead I get sucked into the anxiety, unpredictability eats me up and impatience makes a mockery out of me. I have always been like this yet I can never learn to concentrate on positives as it is always preached, it’s impossible.

So I leave you with this definition of Anticipation to ponder on whether you handle this emotion 'normally' or not. I know I don't..

Anticipation or being enthusiastic, is an emotion involving pleasure (and sometimes anxiety) in considering some expected or longed-for good event, or irritation at having to wait. Robert Plutchik listed anticipation as one of the eight basic emotions in his psychoevolutionary theory. See also hope. A name for pleasured anticipation is excitement.
Anticipation can be shown in many ways; for example, some people seem to smile uncontrollably during this period, while others seem ill or sick. It is not uncommon for the brain to be so focused on an event, that the body is affected in such a way. Stage fright is a type of anticipation, stemming from the actor or actress hoping that they perform well.