My thoughts on the weekend

This is something I'll be regularily doing - posting up what I put in my physical diary, just so everyone can get a deeper insight into my life. Enjoy!

8/6/2008

Can't sit still, can't think properly again. Starting to doubt my identity again. I really don’t know who I'm supposed to be.
According to Erik Erikson there are 8 stages in psychosocial development, one can fail or succeed at each stage which will determine their sense of self when they’re older. Looking at the stages I can see a few stages where things went wrong. And I think the best way to get over this state of confusion I’ve been suffering for years now is to work backwards and revisit these stages and correct where things didn’t go the right way.
"During adolescence children are exploring their independence and developing a sense of self. Those who receive proper encouragement and reinforcement through personal exploration will emerge from this stage with a strong sense of self and a feeling of independence and control." During my teens I wanted to be certain things which were either unacceptable or just wrong. If I had taken on these paths I would have ended up on the wrong end of town.
So I kept letting my family down but never learnt my lesson, never wanted to take their advice I stubbornly persisted in going my own way, which was the wrong way and in the process hurt my family and isolated myself from them and their advice which would have helped in shaping a good sense identity for my future self.
I understand teenagers are rebellious, and trust me I was one of those kids that did everything wrong just to be cool and different. As I grew older I did eventually relies at some stage that this isn’t going to give me the life I want but by then the damage had been done and even worse was the fact that I blocked the past from my memory instead of revisiting them and righting my wrongs.
So now, that I’ve come into my young adulthood (19- 40 years) I should have an idea of who I am, but I don’t, and I can’t progress to forming loving relationships which has left me in an isolated confused world which I find overwhelming.